You’re in control is there anywhere you wanna go?
You’re in control is there anything you wanna know?
The future’s for discovering
The space in which we’re traveling

From the top of the first page
To the end of the last day
From the start in your own way
You just want somebody listening to what you say
It doesn’t matter who you are.

Under the surface trying to break through
Deciphering the codes in you
I need a compass,draw me a map
I’m on the top I can’t get back
Whoah. Woah.

First line of the first page
To the end of the last day
You were looking
From the start in your own way
You just want somebody listening to what you say
It doesn’t matter who you are
It doesn’t matter who you are

Oooh.

You just want somebody listening to what you say
You just want somebody listening to what you say
It doesn’t matter who you are
It doesn’t matter who you are

Is there anybody out there who is lost and hurt and lonely too
But they’re bleeding all your colours into one
And if you come undone as if you’d been run through
Some catapult it fired you
You wonder if your chance will ever come
And if you’re stuck in square one.

-coldplay

I have always been a creative person to some extent. I am not going to say I am an ultimate creative person, because I like rules and boundries too much to throw them all out and come up with something totally new and out there. Yet I find that exciting to be able to throw aside the thoughts of what is out there and try it. I find myself in that situation and while it is overwhelming it is exciting. I am setting out on a “new-old” adventure merging promotion and design into one package to gain exposure for a product. It has been awhile since I have done this and it is bringing out some of those creative juices in my head, I am starting to get ideas and thoughts floating around in my head.

The venture I am setting out on is one of helping my generation find it’s soul and legging in the world. I can not think of a better venture. Another part I love is that I am on a team and all the responsibilties do not fall all on me. I am hoping that the freedom that this brings will allow all the shrivled part of my creative brain to feel free to come out and play.

I crave what is bad for me. I always have. The thing is I do not think I am alone.

When I was a kid it was speed, not the drug form, but the thrill of off-road racing four-wheeler, illegally I might add. The thrill of the wind rushing past me at 80 miles an hour while I made that jump, each time faster and faster till I would get thrown off and crushed by the metal of the four-wheeler. Each time I got thrown I was more determined not to get thrown the next time, so each time I increased what I felt comfterable doing. I look back now and see how dangerous and out of control I was, but how much I loved it.

I still drive too fast, I cut people off, I take dares, but my dares these days have turned to other rushes. I am constatly fighting the rush of guys. I have to say I love men. This is a taste I aquired at a young age, when I was “engaged” in pre-kindergarten and walked around holding Trevor’s hand all lunch break. It only increased as the years went on. Through several series of events I became a little too fasinated with boys. I still have this problem, but through the years have managed to control it (with a few exceptions), but I am getting to the point where I would like to find someone to think about getting serious with. I, like many others, find myself liking the bad ones…the bad boys. I have been drawn to a few nice ones and there is one I like now, but they don’t seem to show an intrest in me. The bad boys however do, but for the wrong reasons.

I am at the point where I do not know how to reconsicile all this…..

confused…