Today I was off work and school. It was an awesome day. I got to lay on the couch and watch tv, surf the web, catch up on reading some of my favorite blogs, and sleep!

As I was surfing I starting thinking (for those of you who know me, know how dangerous this really is) and I am getting ideas for a church media. I am the multimedia coordinator for the church I work at. I am in the process of trying to re-define what that means exactly and what aspects can be used. Church can not seem to get out of my mind. I feel that there is something looming right around the corner that is just out of sight, but the vibrations are reaching me.

I see so many churches using media now. I want to explore the uses of media in reaching a web generation. I am realizing I need to make peace with the church, but that does not mean I have to accept it the way it is. I can be a part of the change.

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Over the last few months I have given a lot of air time to what exactly ‘church’ is in my head.

It is impossible for me to get away from the organization known as church (I am using the word church not as a body of believers, but as a run organization). I work in a church office, I used to work in Christian music, and before that I taught Bible studies. I am deep fried in church. I went to private Christian schools growing up and even in college. In my late teens I fit the evangelical republican Christian to a tee. I could give you 50 reasons in 5 minutes why abortion was wrong, I could lead you down the Roman road, and could condemn heavy metal music, rated ‘R’ movies, wearing reveling clothes, etc in about 5 seconds. I was the kid who knew what rights I had to have prayer meetings and bible studies. I got sent to the office for wearing a shirt that depicted a couple trying to decide to abort a baby with a catchy Christian slogan under it. I attended Christian concerts and lived what, I was sure, was laid out in the Bible.

During this time I pushed all my doubts about the supremacy of God down into my toes and called it blasphemy if it ever came up.

By the time I hit college, I was poised to take on the world…little did I know what the world had in store for me. Up to this time it has been easy to put everything in a box that did not fit and stick it in the attic of my mind with a giant “do not open” sign on it. The further I got from my ‘roots’ of Christian supremacy the more I as flooded with doubt and insecurity. I could no longer put 2 and 2 together and be happy with getting 6 as my answer. My brain could not justify it. Areas were getting blurry and I did not have my hard and fast answers anymore. I came face to face with myself and the Christian I had put on broke in half.

Church became something to dread, how could everyone sit in the pews and smile when I knew they had to be broken in half too. How could we continue?

I just recently had two bad church experiences that made these questions come to the surface again. How can we continue on? Is it really worth it?

Today I was talking to the pastor at the church I work at and was asking him how we get from a self-centered church into a real body of believers on the move. He told me he did not know. It gave me comfort in an odd way, I am glad he does not have answers…I do not think there are answers that we can provide. The answers have to come outside ourselves.

So how do we move forward as a body of believers?

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This is going to be an interesting weekend. I am without my laptop…sigh.

I got the heatsink fixed in my macbook, but when they repaired that they messed up the logic board, so it is back in the shop. I can not remember the last time I was computerless all weekend. It will be an interesting experiment in going cold turkey from technology.

What I have decided is I am going to do some painting I have been putting off. I have been wanting to paint one of my walls in a collage with some scripture. This is what weekend! Once I get my laptop back I will post the results.

Book Readings:

At the advise of several people I know I ordered “Exiles: Living Missionary in a post-Christian world” by Michael Frost. I am a few chapters into it and I can see why they recommended the book. It is a great commentary on where the body of believers is right now and where we are headed. It gives me the courage I need to stand up and “fight” for what is emerging and coming out of people being sick of what the church is now.

It is time to fight for a church that is community based…free of bad entertainment knock offs and meaningless fluff that is meant to kept the masses entertained, but not fed.

When will we all stand up and say no to the “church” and yes to living as a community of Jesus followers. I am going to be pondering that this weekend with every stroke of paint that hits my wall.

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